Child sleep
Night terrors and nightmares: how to react without panicking
Your child screams at night, seems terrified, and in the morning they remember nothing? A night terror and a nightmare are not the same thing. We explain it all, with simple steps to help you stay calm.
It is two in the morning. Your child starts screaming, they are sitting up in bed, eyes wide open, but they do not answer you. You talk to them, you take them in your arms, and nothing works. Your heart is pounding, you feel lost, and you wonder what is going on. If you have already been through this, you are not alone, and above all, it is not your fault.
That moment of panic often has a name: the night terror. And it is not the same thing as a nightmare, even if from the outside it can look similar. Understanding the difference changes a great deal, because the right response is not the same in the two cases.
In this article we explain in simple words what is going on in your child’s head, how to tell a night terror from a nightmare, what to do during, what to do afterwards, and how to help these nights become calmer. We also tell you, without dramatising, when it is better to talk to a doctor about it.
Night terror or nightmare: they are not the same thing
This is the first thing to understand, and it sheds light on everything else. A night terror tends to come early in the night, in the deepest sleep. The child seems agitated, they may scream, cry, sit up, have their eyes open. But they are still asleep. They do not recognise you, they do not answer, and the next morning they remember nothing at all.
A nightmare, on the other hand, tends to come late in the night, in the early hours. There, your child really wakes up. They have been frightened, they cry, they look for you, and they can tell you about their bad dream. The next day they remember it, and sometimes they even talk about it again during the day.
This difference is not a detail. Faced with a night terror, you stay calm and wait for it to pass. Faced with a nightmare, you comfort and reassure. You will find both responses below.
- The night terror comes early in the night, the nightmare rather towards the morning.
- During a terror, the child is still asleep; during a nightmare, they are wide awake.
- During a terror, they do not recognise you and do not settle when you speak to them.
- After a terror, they remember nothing; after a nightmare, they remember and tell you about it.
- The terror mainly worries the parent who is watching; with the nightmare, it is the child who is frightened.
The key point to remember: during a night terror, your child is still asleep. During a nightmare, they are properly awake.
Why does it happen?
The good news is that these episodes do not mean that something is wrong with your child. It is very common, especially between 3 and 6 years old, and it is part of sleep that is still settling into place. Often there is not even a specific reason.
That said, certain things often come up when nights become unsettled. There is nothing serious about them, and most of them sort themselves out with a little attention to the rhythm of the days.
Here is what often helps a night terror or a nightmare take hold. Spotting one or two of them in your child’s life is already a lead towards calmer nights.
- A lot of built up tiredness, when they have been short of sleep for several days.
- A big change: going back to school, a house move, a little brother, the holidays.
- Too much screen time, especially in the evening, which winds the mind up just before bed.
- A bedtime that is too late, or nights that are too short for their age.
- A bout of fever, a cold, or a day that was really full of emotion.
What to do during a night terror?
This is the most startling moment, so let us get straight to the point. During a night terror, your child is asleep, even if everything seems to say otherwise. Waking them suddenly does not help them, and often leaves them even more lost. The best thing is to stay close to them and wait.
Keep calm, even if that is hard when you see them like this. The episode usually lasts a few minutes, then your child lies back down and falls asleep again on their own, as if nothing had happened. The next day they will not remember any of it, and that is perfectly fine.
- Stay close to them Sit down next to the bed, speak very softly if that reassures you, but do not try to wake them or shake them. Your calm presence is enough.
- Keep them safe If they move about a lot, move anything that could hurt them out of the way and keep a gentle hand there so they do not fall out of bed. That is your only real role in the moment.
- Let the wave pass Do not ask questions, do not carry them around. Simply wait, in silence or nearly. The episode goes away on its own, often as quickly as it came.
- Stay calm for both of you Breathe slowly. Your child will not remember any of it, but you will. Telling yourself that it is not dangerous helps you get through the moment more calmly.
The key point: you do not wake a child in the middle of a night terror. You watch over them, and you let it pass on its own.
What to do after a nightmare?
With a nightmare it is the opposite. There, your child is awake, they are really frightened, and they need you. This is the moment to comfort them, quite simply. Take them in your arms, speak softly, let them snuggle up against you for as long as it takes the fear to subside.
There is no need for long explanations in the middle of the night. Simple words are enough: “I am here”, “you are safe”, “it was only a dream”. A small night light, their comforter, a sip of water, and the night often starts up again peacefully. The next day, if they bring it up, listen without making a whole story of it.
Also think about checking something very simple: are they too hot? A room that is too warm, a duvet that is too thick, and sleep becomes more restless. A child who is cool, with their head well supported, often sleeps more peacefully.
- Comfort first Arms, a soft voice, contact. Before words, it is your presence that soothes. Give them the time to calm down against you.
- Very simple words “I am here, everything is fine, it was a dream.” There is no need to explain the world at three in the morning. The calm in your voice does most of the work.
- Night light and comforter A soft light and their comforter help a lot in getting back to sleep. The bedroom becomes a reassuring place again, not a place that frightens them.
How to help these nights become calmer
You cannot prevent every night terror or every nightmare, and that is not the aim. But when a child sleeps in good conditions, these episodes often become rarer. It all comes down mainly to bedtime and to the rhythm of their days.
The general idea is simple: a child who is rested, put to bed at regular times, in a calm bedroom, sleeps more deeply and more peacefully. Nothing complicated, just a few gentle habits to put in place little by little.
- An evening routine that soothes The same little ritual every evening: the bath, a story, a cuddle. The body understands that night is coming, and falling asleep happens more gently.
- A bedtime that is not too late A child who is overtired sleeps worse, not better. A regular bedtime, at an hour that leaves enough sleep for their age, calms nights a great deal.
- Less screen time before bed The screens go off a good while before bedtime. A mind that is less wound up falls asleep faster and drops faster into deep sleep.
- A soothing bedroom A room that is cool, dark and tidy, and a head that is well supported. A child who is comfortable in bed, neither too hot nor twisted on their pillow, moves less during the night.
And what about bed comfort in all this?
Let us be clear straight away: a pillow does not make night terrors or nightmares go away. That is not the point, and nobody should be selling you that. These episodes come mainly from tiredness, from emotions and from sleep that is still maturing.
What bed comfort can do is help your child sleep more peacefully in general. A cool bedroom, a suitable duvet, and a head well supported during the night. For an older child, a pillow the right size for them keeps the neck in a more natural line, instead of a head sunk in or twisted all night long.
Many parents tell us that a child who is well settled moves less and sleeps more calmly. We promise nothing more than that: comfort. For unsettled nights that keep coming back, it is the rhythm of the days and, if needed, a doctor’s opinion that count the most.
When to talk to a doctor about it
Most of the time, night terrors and nightmares pass on their own with age, without anyone needing to step in. It is neither serious nor the sign of a problem. So you keep calm and you let time do its work.
That said, there are cases where it is a good idea to mention it to your doctor or your paediatrician, calmly. Not in order to worry, but so that you are properly supported and can ask the right questions.
- The episodes have been coming back almost every night for several weeks.
- They last a long time, or your child seems really exhausted the next day.
- They often put themselves in danger at night, getting up, walking about, bumping into things.
- You notice something else that worries you in their sleep or in their days.
- You feel, as a parent, that something is not right: your view counts.
The key point: talking to a doctor about it is not dramatising. It is simply getting help and reassurance when something keeps coming back.
Worth remembering
- A night terror and a nightmare are not the same thing: during a terror, the child is still asleep and remembers nothing.
- During a night terror, you do not wake them: you stay close to them, you keep them safe, and it passes on its own.
- After a nightmare, you comfort: arms, simple words, a night light, the comforter.
- A child who is rested, put to bed on time, with less screen time and a calm bedroom, often has more peaceful nights.
- These episodes are common and often pass with age; if they come back very often or worry you, talk to a doctor about it.
Frequently asked questions
How can I tell whether it is a night terror or a nightmare?
Look at the time of night and at the waking. A night terror comes rather early in the night, your child seems agitated but is still asleep, does not recognise you, and remembers nothing in the morning. A nightmare comes rather towards the morning, your child properly wakes up, they are frightened and they remember it.
Should you wake a child in the middle of a night terror?
No. During a night terror, your child is still asleep, even if they scream or have their eyes open. Waking them suddenly often leaves them more lost. Stay close to them, make sure they do not hurt themselves, and wait calmly. The episode passes on its own within a few minutes and they go back to sleep.
At what age do night terrors happen?
They are common especially between 3 and 6 years old, but every child is different. It is linked to sleep that is still settling into place, and it most often passes on its own with age. It is not a sign that something is wrong with your child.
How can I prevent my child’s nightmares?
You cannot prevent them all, but you can help nights be calmer. A regular bedtime that is not too late, a gentle evening routine, less screen time before bed and a soothing, cool bedroom all help a lot. A rested child often has more peaceful nights.
When should you talk to a doctor about it?
Talk to your doctor or your paediatrician if the episodes have been coming back almost every night for several weeks, if they last a long time, if your child puts themselves in danger at night, or if something else worries you. It is not dramatising, it is getting help and reassurance.
